Once you fall in love with someone you will never be the same. REAL love, not puppy love, or little “I like you’s.” You know that moment has happened when you realize that to go on with life without your significant other would be ridiculous, because without her, your life would no longer have meaning or purpose. She is constantly on your mind, you would do anything for her happiness. But what happens when that happiness means having to let her go? What then? Are you willing to let her out of your life in order for her true happiness? Are you ready to let another take over the role you previously held in her life; to let another be the source of her happiness? Even if you’re able to let her go, would you be able to feel the pain of having her still in your life, BUT as a friend, or would you have to completely cut her our of your life to try to ease the pain? Thinking ‘out of sight out of mind’ would make it easier to go on without her in your life, trying to forget all the memories you shared together. But you realize that trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew.

When you decide to finally express your feelings to the one that you love, that is one of the bravest things you can do. When you finally push past the fear of rejection and finally sum up the courage to open up. Especially when it’s one of your best, and closest friends. But what happens if you are rejected? It feels as if the walls around you are closing in and the tears are welling up inside your head ready to burst out. But you hold your composure until the two of you part ways. As soon as they are out of sight it all comes out. Those tears pour down your cheeks and your cries are drowned from the pillow that you’re holding to your face. It feels as if everything in your world is falling apart. Almost as if without that person, your world no longer holds any significance. Your heart aches and you try to continue your day-to-day routines, but you’re just a ghost of who you used to be, walking around on auto-pilot. You start to distance yourself from others around you, and they are the only thing that is constantly on your mind. “Things will be the same”, “I Promise we’ll still be as close as ever”, “I’ll still be here for you” Those are some of the closing remarks given to you. But you know deep down that nothing will ever be the same and you wish you could take back the courage and bravery you previously had. What’s worse is when you see each other again and the bitter realization that you were right, starts to sink in. You can barely hold a conversation, you exchange little words and you can barely look at each other. Now someone who was once your closest friend, and the one you loved, is slowly turning into a stranger.

Everyone is forced to grow up whether they like it or not. But as you start the gradual transitions of becoming an adult, middle-aged individual, and even a senior, you start looking back at your life; the last 20, 50, or 65 years. Did you do everything you set out to do? Did you accomplish your goals and live out your dreams? Did you find the love of your life? Or did you let life run its course as you sat back on cruise control and settled for a mediocre, blue collar life. If that is the case, then you will look back on your life and regret it all, and you will resent yourself for it. No matter how old or young you may be, you have to keep chasing your dreams because when they become reality, the rewards of that will exceed any expectations you had. Once you find the love of your life, grasp the opportunity life has given you and fight for them, do not give up and do not settle for anyone else because that is unfair to the both of you. There are more important things in life then money and luxury. Don’t sweat the small stuff and learn to appreciate the little things because as you get older and look back on your life, the saddest things you will face is what might have been, what was, what can never be and what can no longer be.

Sometimes you will be faced with the challenge of having to choose someone to be with. What if you made the wrong choice? You realize you made the wrong decision but decided to try and live with that decision. You’ve made promises and developed obligations that have made it impossible to choose otherwise, your change of mind will be looked upon as a transgression, a scandal. But at a certain point it’s just gotten to the point that you can’t do it anymore. You’ve made the effort, you’ve done your best and you’ve tried to hide that feeling of regret, but it’s just not working. What can you do? What if the one you didn’t choose, after all this time, still loves you? You still share that love for each other, but both know it just can’t happen. The saying “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t then it was never meant to be” comes to mind. But sometimes it’s just more complicated than that. You had your chance and you let it go the first time, but again the chance is still available, but those promises and obligations are hindering you and the one you love from being together. He/ She loves you so much that they are willing to live with a broken heart so you can hold true to those promises. He/She knows that those promises are important to you and to others around you, and if they were to be broken, it would unleash an immense amount of hardship and troubles in your life and the lives of the ones you love. So it may be true that if you love something, learn to let it go, but it is also true that some people are meant to fall in love, but aren’t meant to be together.

It’s rare to have a perfect moment in life. But everyone experiences a moment that is so perfect in every way, shape and form. That moment could be spent alone, or it could be shared by someone, or even several other people. No matter what’s going on in that moment, or who you are with, it’s a moment that you wish would never end. Some people like to think that those perfect moments involve extravagant, flashy things going on, but oftentimes, it’s the simplest of moments that will captivate us. You could be simply lying in bed next to someone you haven’t seen in ages and just talking, laughing and catching up. Just two people who’ve missed each other. You don’t know it at first, but this is that perfect moment. You wish you could lay there forever just talking, laughing, even sometimes just laying in silence snatching quick glances at one another. Those glances turn into gazes, and when looking into each others eyes, you just can’t help but smile because in this moment, you are the happiest you’ve been in far too long, you’re in complete bliss. But sadly time will pass and eventually that moment will have to end. You replay that moment in your head over and over again wishing you could relive it, so you could find that moment of bliss once again. But… those moments are rare, so you have to appreciate it and make sure you never forget it. Although it has to come an end, it’s a bittersweet ending, because when something like that ends, it’s key not to be disappointed, but to be grateful that you had to the opportunity to experience one of those rare moments.

I’m not quite sure how to start this off, I just have so many thoughts running through my head at the moment. It all basically comes back to ME. How did I get here? How did I end up as the person I am now, and I’m contemplating on whether or not I have become who I wanted to be. But while doing that I’ve also realized I am EXACTLY who I thought I would turn out to be when I was growing up. Have you ever asked yourself those questions and come to the conclusion that you actually resent who you’ve grown into? I can honestly say there are some aspects of me that I absolutely hate, but isn’t that the same for everyone? There are qualities about yourself which you love and there are others you don’t like. When looking back at all the decisions you made that have led to you reading this post, do you feel they were all the right ones? Were they the decisions that have molded you to become the person you have always aspired to be? Or were some if not all of them made haphazardly like groping blindly in the dark? If you are proud of you you’ve become, then I applaud you and wish you the best for a happy life. If not, then I can sympathize with you. I am NOT proud of of everything I have become, but as stated earlier there are certain aspects of my life that make me proud to be me. As a kid I aspired to become a rich, family man. I would own my own business, have a big house and a wife and kids who were happy and the whole white picket fence deal. But as I started to venture out, the environment around me started to change those aspirations. It turned those hopes and dreams into a realization that reality would kick in and that would never happen. So eventually that idea of being rich turned into living a mediocre if not poor life. That family, turned into a violence and gang related lifestyle. Lastly, that white picket fence? It turned into bars of a jail cell. ALL of these things became the sad reality of my life. I am not rich and didn’t grow up in a community where money was abundant. So I turned to a life of crime. I went to all the malls, stores, outlet stores and started stealing. This was my job. I would go to school and sell all these things to students even some teachers. But that wasn’t enough, so I started selling drugs among other things. I managed to make a decent amount of profit doing this. I became a violent kid and dealt with all the gangs and bullshit. I can honestly say that I am an alcoholic, and violent drunk at that.  I would always turn to violence as a way to solve my problems. That is what landed me in jail. It wasn’t the stealing. It was the violence. Basically someone thought it would be funny to insult my family and friends, so I taught him a lesson and gave him a ‘goodbye’ he’d never forget. But after being released I’ve been on house arrest for a few months now. I’ve had all this time to myself to think, rethink and just contemplate my life and the decisions that have brought me here. I’ve been trying to turn my life around, I’ve gone to counselling and anger management. I’ve been trying to cut back on the alcohol on my own. Basically what I’m trying to say is, if your decisions have produced a person that you are not proud of, then start making new decisions. Try to conceptualize a whole new you, and start making decisions to make that concept a reality.